i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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