Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
