the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
