Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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