i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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