so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize