I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
