There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
