Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
