Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I believe in your delicious
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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