I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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