Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
