i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
