To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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