Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
