Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
