im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
