I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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