Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
