I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
