Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize