Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
