.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
