low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
