party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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