All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
