Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
