I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
