then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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