I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
