normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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