She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was born a porn star she said
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
