Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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