Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
