Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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