Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please, let me fuck your mom
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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