we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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