with your own penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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