Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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