ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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