Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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