Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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