There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
