anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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