Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
