Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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