Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
