Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
