Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
