i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Damn victory sex feels great
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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