were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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