I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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