an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
