Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
