Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
