Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
