so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
