pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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