are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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