I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
