thus making me awesome and them whores
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
