I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Still dying that you shit outside
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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