remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
