If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
