Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
