Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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