im six kinds of drunk right now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
