apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
