I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
