I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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