Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
